Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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