My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize