she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
