you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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