I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
