You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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