I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
