i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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