I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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