Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
