Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
