when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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