so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
