You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
