Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
