All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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