don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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