There is no way he is gay with that hair.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
