note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
