Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
