If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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