I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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