That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
