you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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