just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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