What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
