Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize