How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
