I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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