Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
