How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
