This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
