Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
