im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I licked your asshole in confidence.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
