There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ambien. No doubt about it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
