3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
