You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
