Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
