I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
