I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
