can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
