No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
