just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
