so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
