well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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