There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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