did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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