She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
