i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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