I heard we made out
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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