I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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