Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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