i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
