Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
