I hate your face
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
