You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
