Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
