That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
