then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
