I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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