shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
