Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
