u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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