i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
