"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
