I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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