that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
