At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize