on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
