fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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