That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
