Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
