officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize