I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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