Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
