tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
foreskin is a definite game changer
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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