If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
