If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
