I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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