Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
