my vag is so smooth its legendary
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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