didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
