you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
