too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize