She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
