Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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