Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
