with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
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