I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
