I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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