so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
