capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
