she was so not down for the gang bang
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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