you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
