He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So much Jack, so little girl.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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