i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
