Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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