there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
