You're completely useless in the revolution.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
