You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
