Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
And then he peed in my hair
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