Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
