I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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