8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
