oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
