stop calling my apartment porn island.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
