i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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