Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Randomize
