I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Reggie can tackle my bush.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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