***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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