The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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