trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
