I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
