We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
