Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
