if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just high enough for therapy.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
