Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
