you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
